A message from your body, to you
The body, your body, is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I’m a big advocate of listening to our bodies as a pathway towards healing. We can learn so much about ourselves and our needs by taking moments to check in with ourselves to ask, “How and what am I feeling?” and “What is my body needing?” And then truly listening. The body is designed to heal, when we give it the attention it needs.
So many people have learned to be cut off from their bodies, needs, and feelings. Perhaps feelings were considered a weakness in your family, were not spoken of, or a significant trauma(s) taught you to cut yourself off from your emotions and body. We also live in a culture that encourages us to separate from ourselves. Comments like, “Get over it”, “Stop being so sensitive”, “Man up” and “Stop your whining and crying”, only encourage us to stop feeling.
We learn to merely exist. Our body learns to be in a constant state of survival; a constant state of doing. Why? Because feelings are for sissies and you got shit to do! Okay, that’s a bit harsh, but the outcome often becomes - just take a pill (mask the symptoms), drink more coffee or grab another energy drink (more energy), have a drink (relax), find something to do (distract), and keep going. Don’t stop! Otherwise, you’ll be deemed lazy and unproductive, either by yourself or others.
The cycle is exhausting and actually becomes highly unproductive in the long run. It’s like constantly driving at a high speed. You may get to places faster, but if you never stop to take a break, check the engine, refuel, and take care of the car, the car will start to fall apart much sooner than if you had taken care of the car’s needs. What this looks like in the human body is that your body will send you signs of caution - fatigue, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, irritability, frequent illnesses, body aches, headaches, bowel issues, etc. These are all signals that your body is sending you, and they should not be ignored.
What happens if you continue to ignore the cues? The body will begin to send louder signals until it gets what it needs. What I tell my clients is, “Listen to your body now, because if you don’t, the body will find a way to get its needs met and you’ll have no choice in the matter.”
So, how do you prevent such a setback? Build the habit of asking yourself, “How/What am I feeling?”* Pause to really identify your feelings. Try not to judge or argue with your feelings. Feelings are not logical and rational, they may not always make sense, but that’s okay, just go with it.
Once you’ve determined your feelings, the second question you’ll want to ask yourself is, “What is my body needing?” Again, pause to really check in with yourself. Let’s just say the response is, “I’m feeling tired.” You may be surprised that your body may come back and say, “REST!! I need REST!!” Now, here comes the hard part for most people- honoring what your body needs. Your body needs rest, so perhaps that may mean getting more sleep, asking for help, leaving a chore or errand for another day, ordering take-out instead of cooking, taking a moment to meditate, taking a nap, praying, or doing something that for you is restful and brings you peace. Feeling sad? You may need to cry, journal, reach out to a loved one, ask for a hug, find some form of connection. Or maybe you’re feeling irritable - you might identify that you need to eat something, or get some space. Feeling anxious and fidgety? That’s often your body’s way of telling you that it needs to move. This is when exercise and movement can be a great way to give your body what it needs. Movement is a great way of working through excess energy, like anxiety, boredom, or anger. Even a short walk outside, when weather permits, can do wonders for your mood and body.
It’s also really important to ask yourself if what you are doing to cope is actually working, both in the short-term and, more importantly, in the long-term.
There are many times I’ve found myself doomscrolling on my phone when I’m tired. After I’ve determined that I’m tired and am trying to distract myself without any actual relief, I’m amazed at the difference it makes when I take 5-10 minutes to sit in silence without any distractions. It’s like a little cat nap for my brain and body - a much more effective reset than my phone. Who would’ve thought?!
It is also important to pay attention when you ask the question, “What is my body needing?” to make sure the “answer” is a true need, rather than an unhealthy coping skill that is used to distract you from your feelings. Your body may be telling you it “needs” a drink, a smoke, more likes on your social media page, to call your ex (don’t do it!), an excessive amount of food, or severely limited amount of food, etc.. Identifying what you are feeling can be a good way of determining whether or not this is actually a need or a learned coping skill to distract yourself from your feelings.
What you may experience once you begin to identify and honor your body’s true needs is improved coping skills, increased joy, happiness, relaxation, contentedness, peace and decreased feelings of depression, anger, and anxiety. You may eventually feel more energized and experience overall improved health and confidence. You will learn to be more connected with your body and yourself, which can bring on feelings of pride and appreciation. Your body is your home and greatest guide- treat it well and with respect. Your body will thank you.
*If identifying feelings is new to you, it can be quite a challenge and really confusing (that’s a feeling!). I recommend searching for a list of feelings online and printing it out and/or saving it on your phone to help you identify what you’re feeling. You’ll be surprised at how many various feelings there are and how many you experience throughout the day!