Anxiety, the new norm

If you weren’t an anxious person before 2020, I’m sure by now you have felt some sort of anxiety and nervousness since then. With the ever persistent Covid-19 virus, fight for racial equality and education, political chaos, homeschooling, work, no work, extra work, mandates imposed by the government, grief, inflation, and regular demands of life, it’s enough to make even the most mentally sound person crumble under all the pressure and stress.

Many of us have seen, heard, read, or personally experienced the increase in need for mental health support. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 1 in 5 people in the United States experience mental illness. Recent studies from the CDC have also shown an increase of depressive and anxious symptoms in adults jump from 36.4% to 41.5% in the short period between August, 2020 to February, 2021, with I’m sure an even greater increase since then.

While not everyone may be experiencing anxiety and depression at a clinical level that would require additional help and support, I think everyone is/has experienced some sort of anxiety in the past couple years. The entire world is in chaos and everyone has a different idea on how to best address the situation. What has struck me the most out of everything has been the, “us vs them” mentality with so many situations and scenarios- Republican vs Democrat, vaccination vs natural immunity, Trump vs Biden, Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter, pro-government vs anti-government, and on and on. Each camp stands firmly in their beliefs, looking at the other side with disbelief and sometimes disgust and contempt. All these situations and scenarios are breeding grounds for anger and anxiety, and eventually depression if one is left feeling out of control and helpless.

I think we can all recognize that these are unprecedented times. While I hate to use the term, “normal” (because what is normal for you may not be for me), I would say that stress and anxiety are the new norm. So, for those wondering what to do about this, here are some suggestions I offer to my own clients:

Breathe- You’ve probably heard this before and may be thinking, “Um, yeah, I breathe naturally, so why does everyone keep telling me to breathe?” You’re right, you do know how to breathe to stay alive, but there is a proper way to breathe to reduce anxiety.
Here’s how you do it: Breathe in through your nose SLOWLY, as you breathe in make sure you use your diaphragm. You can ensure you’re doing this by putting a hand on your stomach- as you breathe in you should feel it rise, like you’re filling up a balloon with air (this is not the time to try to suck in your gut to impress someone, just let it go). Hold your breath for a few seconds (about 4), then breathe out even more slowly through your mouth. Do this a few times until you begin to feel calm. You can add in counts (breathe in for a count of 4-5, hold for 4, then breathe out for a count of 6), say a little prayer or a helpful mantra, or simply focus on your breath.

We’re all in this together- I know, it’s the cheesy saying that’s been going around since the beginning of 2020 to help us feel better. However, the reality of it is that we ARE all going through this together. The entire world is experiencing these issues! (Hence, the term, “pandemic”). While our ideas as to how to best address situations and issues may differ, we are all trying to cope and come up with solutions that make sense to us and our families. Basically, we’re all stressed out, anxious, and trying to make this all end.

Put yourself in the now- You may have heard of grounding exercises before (or not). Therapists and counselors have different ways of practicing and teaching this exercise, but the basis for it is to help you focus on your current surroundings and experiences and to get your mind to focus on something innocuous (non-stressful). Personally, I like to use the five senses to help a person ground themselves. You can choose one or go through all of them. Example- What do you smell right now? What do you see? Touch something- what does it feel like? What do you hear? What can you taste? The taste one works best if you have something in your mouth, but can also help you determine if you need a mint. With each one, go into detail with your responses. The more detail the better to help you focus on the now.

Determine current safety and calmness- Ask yourself this important question- “Is there a current threat?” I’m not talking about a potential threat and, “What ifs” (let’s keep anxiety out of this). Is there something happening to you at this very moment that is threatening your life? If so, please stop reading and respond accordingly. Otherwise, 99% of the time (not an exact figure) the response will be, “No.” Once you have determined that you are safe- BREATHE (see above for instructions). Then, scan your body from top to bottom to identify where you are holding any tension. Tension and tightness in your body send a message to your brain that there is a potential threat and preps you for action (hello anxiety!). Once you relax your muscles, you turn off the anxiety switch and the fight, flight, or freeze response also turns off. It’s like hitting a reset button for your body and mind. Do this multiple times a day- you’ll need it and your body will thank you.

Focus on what you can control- This can be a tough one, but honestly, the only thing we can control is usually ourselves, and even that proves to be a challenge! We cannot control what others decide to do and how they do it. We cannot control how others think and what they think or care about. So, if you start to get angry and anxious to the point of it affecting your daily mood, functioning, and relationships, ask yourself- “Is this within my control?” Example- You may believe that mornings are the best time to get things done- “the Early bird gets the worm!” This way of life works for you and makes you feel good about yourself. You think everyone should get up early and anyone who thinks differently is lazy and unmotivated (ouch!). You stand firmly in your beliefs and you even provide information to support your stance. However, you do not have control over whether someone accepts that information and it would not be helpful to continue to push your views on them and/or berate them for not thinking like you. No one likes to be told that they “should” or “shouldn’t” do something and/or how to think and believe. It feels judgy and it will completely turn a person off to you (unless, that’s your goal).

Take a break- If all the news is getting to you, turn it off. Take a break from social media, the news, and conversations surrounding the stressful situation. Instead, fill yourself with something positive that you will feel good about- go out into nature, get some sunlight and fresh air, exercise, listen to music, read a book, watch a funny movie, meditate, take a nap, talk to a friend or loved one, make love, masturbate, color, learn something new, play with your children, dance like no ones watching, frolic in a field (check for ticks afterwards)... There’s so much you can do!

While there is trauma and actual, real stressful events going on, I think it’s always important to remember that there is still beauty and goodness in the world and within ourselves, even when there is pain. We all have much to learn, but it is through adversity that we learn the most. So, if anything, we are all learning and growing. And, you’re not alone- we’re all a little anxious right now about the future, and that’s okay.

If you are experiencing symptoms of either anxiety, depression, feelings that you no longer can control, or have experienced a traumatic event(s), you may benefit from additional support. Contact me to see how I can help. I’d love to hear from you.

Sending love and healing energy to all.

Melissa